


tik, tok watch the petals fall

by yionbo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Internalized Homophobia, Lee Taeyong & Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten Are Best Friends, Lee Taeyong & Nakamoto Yuta Are Best Friends, M/M, Sad & Hopeful Ending, Soft Lee Taeyong, Unrequited Love, pls just give taeyong love, taeyong calls yuta his flower, taeyong goes through a lot im so sorry, ten best boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:01:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27861177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yionbo/pseuds/yionbo
Summary: Taeyong  shakes  his  head."No,  no,  no.  There  has  to  be  another  way-""There  isn't  Taeyong,  if  there  was  I would've  told  you.""Not  even  catching  feelings  for  someone  else?  That  can't  work?"Ten  sighs,  "Who  are  you  going  to  find  within  two  months  Tae?"-[  in  which  taeyong  didn't realize  how  deadly  love  could  be  until  he  falls  for  his  best  friend.  there's  only  two  ways  he  could  save  himself,  but  he's  not  sure  he  wants  to.  ]
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	tik, tok watch the petals fall

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi! just a few notes before you start reading !
> 
> this is the first hanahaki au i've ever written so pls bare with me i did my best <\3
> 
> trigger warnings!  
> there is slight blood mention for like a sentence and it isn't for the whole story. so if that is harmful in anyway just skip and be careful reading! 
> 
> it's not perfect and honestly i feel like i could've wrote more but i just went brain dead and wanted to post this as soon as i could haha.. still i hope you all enjoy!
> 
> recommended song to listen to: clockwork by taemin

* * *

He remembers the start of their friendship. 

When they were only six years old on the same playground. Yuta on the swings and Taeyong being too shy to ask him to play with him. Hiding underneath the slide until Yuta spots him and for a moment he panics that he may look weird, ducking out of his sight.

But as he goes to turn around and run back to his mother, within those seconds the other little boy managed to hop off the swing and run to where he was by the slide. Taeyong stops and looks at the other in shock since he didn’t expect for him to even move that fast.

“Hi! I’m Yuta!” the other introduces himself, extending his hand for the other to shake. Taeyong takes it hesitantly, still a little shy.

“I’m Taeyong..”

Yuta smiles brightly, “Nice to meet you! I saw you standing alone, wanna be friends?” 

Taeyong takes a moment to process what he said and when it does, a smile of his own takes over his features as he nods his head with excitement. 

“Great! Come on we can play tag!”

Taeyong agrees and both boys dash around the playground for a while. It ends up with them in the sandbox then back to the swing sets and lastly towards the monkey bars. Taeyong and him laugh aloud and it was all fun until Yuta’s mother calls for him, saying they had to go home. 

Yuta ends up dragging Taeyong with him to go to his mom, complaining that he had made a new friend and didn’t want to leave.

“Can we _pllleaassee_ stay for five more minutes?”

The tall women sighs before she looks at Taeyong and a smile.

“Where’s your parents at? Maybe we can stay in touch so you two can see each other again.”

Both little boys light up and Taeyong quickly takes them over to his mother.

As soon as he spots her, he sprints forward with Yuta behind him. She looks surprised at first but when both parents end up talking it out with each other, they decide the two could have a playdate soon enough.

After taking five minutes to say goodbye to each other, they finally leave the park.

On his way back home he blabers about how fun it was to have played with Yuta, and his mother laughs and smiles with him as he talks. 

There was one sentence though that he wishes would have stayed true.

_“We’re gonna be best friends forever!”_

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


As the years go by, Taeyong and Yuta only get closer.

They end up going to the same middle school and by then they were inseparable. Going into high school was just the same even if they made new friends along the way.

Wherever one went, the other followed. Every weekend they spent it with sleep overs and even after school if the other had no homework they would hang out at the park until their parents had to drag them home.

During this time though, it was also when he realized he might have a crush on his best friend.

He doesn’t tell anyone, keeps it to himself because how could he _like_ his best friend? How could he like a _boy?_ Don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t against liking the same gender, he just never thought _he_ would. It was new, dangerous territory he didn’t want to step foot in yet. He was _fourteen_ for crying out loud! 

Of course he can’t control his feelings, and as he lays with Yuta in his backyard underneath the stars he wishes he could.

They were just there enjoying the others presence as they talk about whatever may come to their minds. Then Yuta makes some stupid joke and it has them laughing. Rolling onto their sides holding onto their stomachs as tears form and they smile wide.

Then they stop, calming down and they just lay there. Yuta is on his back again but Taeyong stays on his side.

He takes a look at how the moonlight hits his face perfectly and realizes how ethereal Yuta is. He’s sure there’s no one else like him, no one in the entire world and suddenly he feels overwhelmed. With a sudden thought of _“He’s beautiful.”_ that has him turning on his back too so all he sees are the stars.

What Yuta says next, doesn’t help him at all.

“I’m glad you’re my best friend, Yongie.”

He says it so softly and instead of feeling relief wash over him, it makes his heart _break._

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


“So when are you gonna confess, lover boy?”

Taeyong glances up at Ten, someone he’s become close with since the first day of freshman year. They were the only boys in the same dance period, and they became friends quickly. He’s glad to have met the other with his sassy personality and all. 

There's only one thing he despises sometimes, and that's how he likes to tease everyone he knows with every chance he gets.

Which is basically all day of every hour.

He can take it on most days, but today is not one of them.

“What are you talking about?”

Ten rolls his eyes as he stretches to his side, “You _know_ what I’m talking about.”

“If I did I wouldn’t have asked.”

Ten sits up and looks at him for a while before sighing.

“Your massive crush on Yuta is what I’m talking about.”

At first Taeyong thinks it’s a joke, laughing it off until he sees that the other is not and is in fact being _serious._

_What the fuck have I gotten myself into?_

“You're not laughing.”

“Because I didn’t say anything funny.”

Now it’s Taeyong’s turn to roll his eyes, sitting in a straddle and leaning forward.

“I don’t have a crush on him.”

This time _Ten_ is the one to laugh. Full on hollering and rolling around on the ground as some other girls look at him like he grew another head. Taeyong glares at him from the side and it seems like it takes a billion years for his friend to finally stop.

“You see _that_ was funny.. Saying you don’t have a crush on your best friend _my ass.”_

“Yeah my _best friend,_ who the hell falls for someone they’ve known for basically their whole life?” 

Ten smirks, “I know someone actually and they’re sitting right in front of me.”

Taeyong ends up chasing the other around the room and even if he gets them in trouble, it was worth getting Ten to stop talking about his so-called crush. 

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


It’s finally in his junior year that Taeyong takes it upon himself to finally get his mind out of the gutter and try to date someone. Preferably a girl even if deep down he knew it wasn’t what he wanted. 

(More like who, but he wasn’t ready for that. Or ever will be.)

It works out for the most part during the first few weeks. Going out with one of the girls in his dance class and after a while of kissing between classes and going on dates that he backs out of half the time, he breaks it off. 

His little friend group that he’s made within the past few years tip-toe around him as if he was going to cry like some three year old, which he doesn’t. 

He doesn’t even mention her at all or sulk about the break up because why should he? From the start he knew it wouldn’t be right for either of them and knew no feelings were even attached in the first place. So in conclusion for _him_ at least, there was no reason to throw a pity party. 

“Are you sure you-”

“For the last time I’m _fine_ and if you ask me again I’ll fucking throw you out the damn window.”

A few of them burst out laughing, and Ten smacks him upside the head for he was the one who asked. He looks over to his right as he finishes bickering with him and sees that Yuta is already looking at him. 

He ignores the hammer in his chest and lifts his eyebrows in question, “May I help you?”

Yuta shakes his head, “No, I just like seeing you smile and being yourself again.”

The hammer suddenly turns into a flip in his stomach. Letting out a little laugh in return before tuning in on a story Sicheng was telling them.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


Before he knows it Taeyong is already out of highschool and enjoying his last summer at home before heading off to college.

He spends most of it with his family since half of his friend group was practically going to the same university he was. Which was nice since they all wanted to stick together and not leave each other in the dust.

He also spends it with Yuta, as always.

The only thing that was absolute hell was how his feelings and insecurities decided to hit him like a fucking truck.

He could push past it his freshman year, and past his sophomore year, _barely_ his junior year and now that he was graduated he was still stuck with the same internalized problems that never went away no matter how hard he tried.

“-aeyong!!” 

The boy snaps out of his trance. Looking around before his eyes land on Yuta who sits across from him. He looks at him worriedly, eyebrows furrowed and no smile to be seen on his lips. 

Taeyong swallows, his mouth suddenly becoming dry.

“You okay? You’ve been spacing out a lot lately.” Yuta asks. And _of course_ he asks. With his sweet, honey like voice and caring personality and why the fuck did Taeyong have to always be so _weak._

He clears his throat and nods his head. looking away from his best friend and down at the book in his hand that has been left on the same page for the past five minutes. 

“I’m fine, just worried about how college will be.”

Yuta scoffs, “Since when have _you_ been worried about _college?_ ”

Taeyong rolls his eyes and apparently that makes something in Yuta ticked off because he sets his sketchbook down and grabs the book out of his hands and sets it off to the side with the rest of their stuff.

“What the hell was that for?!” he asks and almost _yells._

Yuta looks at him with a stone cold face. 

“You’re not gonna keep on dodging the question, Taeyong. Every time for the past _years_ you’ve been avoiding talking about whatever you have bottled up and I _know_ there’s something wrong so why can’t you just tell me?!”

Taeyong freezes.

_For the past years?_

There's no way in hell that he could know, either if it’s his crush or what he's been trying to come to terms with ever since middle school.

_There's no way.._

The air in the room is tense, and it continues to be that way the more time he wastes sitting in silence.

"Taeyong please just let me help." Yuta all about _whispers_ and somehow that's all he needs before tears start rushing down his face. A sob wracking his body.

He feels arms circle around him and he holds on tight to Yuta. The two curled into each other on his bed, not letting the other go. Taeyong sobs, and sobs while Yuta runs his hands through his hair and down his back and whispers in his ear how _he’s okay, it’s okay._

Taeyong wishes it was.

Around ten minutes pass and soon sobs turn into little hiccups as tears come out slowly, one by one as he starts to calm down.

Yuta pulls away and wipes his eyes with his thumbs and then through his hair one last time. He doesn’t ask any questions, waits for Taeyong to speak on his own.

“It’s been something I’ve always struggled with since middle school,” he starts off in a whisper after a few more minutes.

“At first I thought it was just me feeling an admiration for boys, like being their friend. I realized soon after it wasn’t just that.” his voice cracks at the last part, exhaling shakily.

"You're attracted to them, as in you're gay right?" Yuta says and he doesn't sound disgusted, no judgemental tone at all and when Taeyong looks at him again he looks at him so _softly_ and in _understanding._

He nods his head as he breaks down once more.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


Taeyong ended up sleeping at Yuta's place for the night. Curled up in his friends arms after he was drained from all the crying he had done.

In the morning they wake up and Yuta decides they should go out for the day. Get coffee and do whatever else comes to mind. Taeyong notices that he doesn't say anything about last night, an anxious feeling in his chest.

"Come on slowpoke before I drag you out of the bed myself." 

Taeyong groans as he slips under the covers even further, "Five more minutes."

Yuta rolls his eyes even if the other boy can't see him. Going over to the bed and pulling the covers off.

"Oh come on!"

Yuta laughs loudly and Taeyong can't bring himself to even be the slightest bit of upset towards him. Stares at the smile that takes over the blonde haired boys features. 

"Now will you get up?"

Taeyong grumbles but does as he's told, the anxious feeling from before not as suffocating.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


They end up at a small diner in their town. Sitting near the window and talking as they wait for their food to come out.

"I didn't tell you this last night since you passed the fuck out," 

Taeyong lets out a breathy chuckle. Hands playing with the straw in his drink.

"But I'm proud of you."

There's so many emotions that go through Taeyong all at once that all he could do is just stare at his best friend across from him. A swelling in his chest as he looks at how genuine and serious Yuta is.

"Honestly, I kind of already knew. If the failed attempts at talking and dating girls says anything." he jokes, a small smirk on his lips.

Taeyong smiles then and relief floods over him.

"Thank you Flower. That means a lot to me." He says and Yuta smiles back before it dims down.

"I'm just curious as to why you didn't talk to me about it before."

A sigh leaves his mouth as he replies, "I didn't know how you'd react and I was scared, terrified even to lose you."

_Well that's as close as I'll ever get to a confession,_ he thinks.

Yuta gapes at him.

"You do realize I'm not straight either, right?"

Taeyong stares at him. Of course he's _semi-known_ , just didn't want to jump to conclusions. Plus he thought he would tell him himself! 

"I mean- Kind of-" he stutters out and instead of being upset Yuta bursts out laughing again.

"Don't laugh! You never said anything!" Taeyong whines out as he hits his friend's shoulder from across the table.

"Was it not obvious enough?!"

"Apparently not!" 

At this they both end up laughing their asses off. It wasn't even supposed to turn into this since it _was_ a serious conversation at first, but Taeyong decides seeing Yuta happy was worth it.

He was always, _always,_ worth it.

"On a serious note, when are you going to tell the others?"

"The night before we leave to New York."

Yuta hums and his eyes widen.

"That's this weekend."

"Yup." Taeyong says and Yuta breathes out heavily.

"So just like that our summer is over and we're off to college."

Taeyong notices the faraway look in his eyes and takes his hand in his. Giving it a squeeze until he looks at him again.

"Hey don't get all down on me now. Everything will be okay,"

He takes a pause.

"We'll get through this together."

_Together as friends, idiot._

Yuta nods and gives a laugh.

"Yeah, together."

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


The night before they leave home, Taeyong does as he said he would when they were at the diner.

Everyone ended up gathering at Ten's house. Snacks and drinks all in the kitchen and other things scattered around wherever they went. 

The group spent the whole day together and as the moon crept out they moved outside in the backyard to stargaze. Laying out blankets and sitting around as they all talked.

During one silent, dead moment, Taeyong realizes that now would be the time to do it. No chickening out, no bluffing, just be straight up and spit it out.

So that's what he does.

"I'm gay."

He says it so suddenly and loud he doesn't even register it _himself_ until there's a bunch of arms around him and shouts to be heard.

"Our cult is now complete!"

"Fucking _finally."_

"We're so proud of you Yongie!"

He laughs as he untangles himself from the arms of Ten and smiles at everyone around him. Thanking them as he starts to tear up from the amount of _love_ and _support_ he gets, from how _happy_ and _free_ he feels.

"I love you guys so much, I hope y'all know that." he says, and takes time to look at each of the boys until he lands on Yuta. Staring fondly at him as his heart once again swells.

Yuta runs over and throws his arms around his neck, Taeyong wrapping his own around his waist as he hugs him tightly.

The others gather around them again and soon it's just a big group hug. In the middle of Ten's backyard with the boys he adores beyond anything else. Enjoying the last time home before they start a busier life towards their careers.

It was bittersweet in a way, but he wouldn't trade it for the world.

Wouldn't trade Yuta for the universe.

"We love you Yongie, so much." Yuta whispers, and Taeyong only holds onto him tighter.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


It's during his freshman year in college that Taeyong realizes he is most definitely, absolutely in love with his best friend.

But it's also the year he finds out how deadly that is.

He's with him one night they're free of homework, a Saturday to be exact. Just the two of them since Ten and Sicheng were still in the dance studio, while Jungwoo and Johnny were working on some project due on Monday. 

Well it _was_ supposed to be the two of them until Yuta asked if Jaehyun could join them, also known as his rommate. He agrees, not wanting to tell him how he _didn't_ want him there.

He didn't dislike the guy, Taeyong knew he was a chill dude. But this was the first night off for both of them where it was just… well.. _them_ . He hadn't gotten a chance out with Yuta in what felt like _years_ and suddenly this Jaehyun wanted in? 

He does his best to hide the disappointment, but as the night progresses the more Taeyong feels himself being left out from the other two. At this point he's like a third wheel, trailing behind the two with a frown framing his face.

When he takes a deep breath and exhales, he ends up choking. Like something had gotten stuck in his throat, coughing loudly as his knees buckle and he falls to the ground.

Yuta turns around at the sound and his expression turns into one that looks absolutely _terrified._

He runs to Taeyong who tries to cough whatever it was out of his system. His ears ring and he thinks he can hear Yuta call his name but he can't tell. He can also hear Jaehyun on the phone, talking frantically and he just hopes this would all be over soon.

And it is, as he coughs and gags some more until he feels whatever it was come out and suddenly he can finally breathe again.

What he sees makes his blood run cold and his heart drop.

There lies pink petals. Spots of blood could be seen but not a lot. His hands shake and his mind shortcuts because what the _fuck_ just _happened?_

"-aeyong! Taeyong!"

He clears his throat looking up at Yuta who looks at him with scared and teary eyes. He lets out a sigh of relief, but he can tell he's still weary.

"Come on, we need to get you up. Can you try standing?"

Taeyong doesn't trust himself to speak and nods instead. Yuta holding onto his right arm as Jaehyun holds the other. He gets up on shaky legs, only to stumble into Jaehyun's arms as he tries to hold him steady.

Taeyong feels drained and tired, his throat burns and he just wants to go home even if he knows he needs to find out what the hell is going on with him.

"Ten should be here soon, do you think you can hold on until then?" 

Taeyong nods once more, but soon after his eyes begin to get heavy and he leans against Jaehyun. Finally indulging into the darkness.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


When Taeyong wakes up the sun is leaking through the blinds. Rubbing his eyes as he looks around the room. It takes him a moment to realize he's not at his dorm room, but at Yuta's.

He sighs as memories come flooding back to him. The hanging out with him and Jaehyun (if he could even call it that,) the coughing, and the flower petals.

_Why were there flower petals?_

He groans and pulls the covers up over his head. His body feels heavy and his mind is a jumbled mess. He doesn't want to get up and face whoever was out that door. Rather it be Yuta himself, Jaehyun, or anyone really.

The universe is not on his side though and soon he hears the door open. He peers over the blanket to see Yuta step in and once they make eye contact he's by his side in an instant.

"Holy shit you're awake." he says, cupping his face and looking at him with tearful eyes.

Taeyong takes note of the dark circles and his messy hair. He looks worn out and now he can't help but feel like shit because _he_ was the one who did that. Made him _worry_ when he shouldn't have.

"Yeah, yeah I'm awake." he puts his hands over Yuta's cold ones. Gives them a squeeze to let him know he's okay. 

Taeyong could tell he has questions but he doesn't say them. Instead he just closes his eyes and holds on tighter to him. 

Just then Jaehyun comes through the door with a mug in his hands. He looks much softer than from the night they hung out. Hair down and face bare of makeup. An oversized red hoodie and sweatpants on. He looks a little bit better than Yuta, and he wonders if he was also worried for him.

"Glad to see you're not dead." he jokes and that makes Taeyong crack a smile.

He sits on the other side of the bed (it being pushed against the middle of the wall makes space on both sides,) and hands Taeyong the mug in his hands. 

"Here, drink this." 

Taeyong starts to sit up. Untangling his hands from Yuta's as he helps him raise the pillows for him to lean against. He thanks Jaehyun and takes the steaming cup from his hands, taking a few gulps of the tea.

"Ten will be back soon, he just left to get us something to eat." Yuta speaks up after a while and he knows they're trying to make light of what happened. 

Jaehyun is the one who surprisingly brings it up first.

"Do you maybe know what brought about the whole.. coughing up petals?"

The air is tense as soon as it's said aloud and Taeyong puts the cup down on the bedside table to stop himself from dropping it on the covers from how shaky he becomes.

"No, I don't. That's the first time that's ever happened to me." 

No one says anything _again_ , and Taeyong is tired of the pauses of silence.

"We should go see a doctor, maybe they'll know what it was." Yuta suggest and Taeyong… doesn't know how to feel.

He's tired, he's annoyed, he's upset, and most of all he's _confused._ Yuta is right that they should go but he's also scared. Doesn't want to know what it is or if it's life threatening. He hates the kind of situation he put Yuta in and even Jaehyun which he doesn't want to happen again. 

Does the rest of the group even know about this? Is Ten the only one? How many more people are going to lose sleep because of him? He doesn't want that either.

"No..no that's not needed."

Yuta and Jaehyun look at him like he's said the most offensive thing ever.

"What do you mean by _not needed?_ Taeyong we don't know what the fuck caused this and we don't know why you had fucking _flower petals_ in your system so wh—"

Yuta pauses at the sound of the door opening and all of them freeze. 

_Great, fucking great._

They wait until Ten comes to the room and no one does a thing until the boy all about throws himself onto Taeyong. He groans from the sudden weight but wraps his arms around his friend nonetheless.

"You little shit I thought I lost you!"

Taeyong's heart breaks.

Out of the whole group besides Yuta, Ten had become one of the closest friends he's had. And it hurts knowing he thought he lost one of his best friends.

He pulls away and runs his hands through his hair, "Thank god you're okay, you have no idea how fucking scared I was."

Taeyong grimances, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

Ten slaps his shoulder.

"Shut up and don't you _dare_ apologise. This wasn't something you knew about or could've prevented."

He sighs and nods his head. Ten climbing off to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Now that that's over, what the hell was Yuta yelling about?"

Everyone glances around, Taeyong about to speak up before Yuta beats him to it.

"He doesn't want to go to the hospital to get himself checked out and find out what it is."

Taeyong groans and runs a hand down his face.

"Will you hear me out before getting on my ass about this?!" he yells and everyone goes quiet. He kind of feels bad for Jaehyun who looks at him with wide eyes and shrinks under the hoodie. 

_Okay I'm definitely going to have to apologise to him at least._

"This happened _once_ and as much as you all are worried as well as myself, it was the first time any of has seen this,"

he takes a breath before continuing.

"If it happens again only then will I go to the hospital. I'm not going to waste hundreds of dollars and go into debt for one visit if it's something that's not even serious or they can't fix."

Yuta still doesn't look happy, Ten is lost in thought and Jaehyun is the one who looks the most conflicted. 

"If y'all wanted me to go to the hospital why didn't y'all take me there last night?"

Yuta visibly deflates, looking at Ten like he has an explanation for this all.

"I was the one who told them not to take you."

"Which was wro-"

"Which was the _right thing_." he says, cutting Yuta off.

He sighs, "look I agree with Taeyong. He's right because if this was a normal occasion all around the world or even here, there would be articles about it or something," 

Yuta picks at the end of his sleeves, eyebrows furrowed. 

"Just give him time." he says, directed to Yuta who only nods his head slightly.

"Ten is right, we were all just frightened last night. I'm sure he'll be okay." Jaehyun says and Taeyong feels relieved.

Ten stands up a few seconds later and pats his leg, "get some more rest, we can talk more later."

Taeyong nods his head as he leaves the room, Jaehyun follows soon after and shuts the door behind him.

Yuta is the only one who didn't leave, his now black hair falling into his eyes where Taeyong can't see them.

"Hey, Flower, _look at me_." he whispers and when he finally looks up, there's tears streaming down his face.

Taeyong doesn't hesitate to pull the other underneath the covers with him and hugs him tight. Letting the other cry into his chest.

"Please, Yongie, _please_ don't leave me."

"I won't Flower, I promise." he says.

At that time, he wished what he said was true.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


Taeyong ends up going home later that day. Ten comes with him to make sure he got there safely and also apparently to finish up talking about whatever the hell he wanted to from earlier. 

"Hey! You're back!" Mark, Taeyong's roommate, exclaims as he sees him trudge through the door with Ten behind him.

"Hey there Markie." he says and smiles at the other. There's another boy sitting next to him and he waves shyly at him.

"Oh, this is Sungchan by the way."

Taeyong waves back at him as he heads towards his room, "nice to meet you. I hope Mark hasn't been a menace to you." he teases, going into his room as soon as the other starts complaining about how he was a great friend.

He laughs lightly and Ten shuts the door as soon as he comes in.

"Okay this has been bugging the hell out of me since this morning so, can we talk?"

Taeyong sits on his bed and sighs, "Yeah, go ahead and say what you need to." 

Ten sits next to him on the bed as they face each other, taking a deep breath before blurting out, "I know why you coughed up petals."

Taeyong takes a minute to process what he just said and when he does, his face consorts into confusion because what the _fuck?_

"I lied about the hospitals not knowing what it is, but just hear me out okay?"

Taeyong nods his head, waiting for the other to explain.

"It's called the Hanahaki disease. It's rare but it happens when someone has unrequited love."

He freezes, hands gripping the sheets.

"There's only two ways it'll go away. One is if that person develops the same feelings or," Ten fidgets nervously and Taeyong waits for him to say the next part. Already dreading what was to come.

"You could get surgery, but it'll erase that person from your memory."

Taeyong shakes his head.

"No, no, _no._ There has to be another way-"

"There isn't Taeyong, if there was I would've _told_ you."

"Not even catching feelings for someone else? That can't work?"

Ten sighs, "Who are you going to find within two months Tae?" 

Two months.

_Two months._

Taeyong wonders when his heart will stop breaking. 

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


Taeyong doesn't believe Ten at first, spending almost a week locked away in his room alone and away from everyone.

But then he coughs up petals once more. This time with bits and pieces of what looked like were from a stem.

He sits in the bathroom on the floor, tired and empty. What was he supposed to do? Ten was right, that he couldn't find someone within less than two months. His heart was so attached to Yuta that he couldn't say I love you to whatever boy he'd try with.

And he knew, as much as he hated to admit it, Yuta would never love him back the way he does. He was his best friend and that was it. Nothing more and nothing less.

So what did that leave? The surgery.

The only thing stopping him? Yuta.

Always, always fucking _Yuta._

It wasn't just him. It was all the memories they've made together, every hour, every minute, every _second_ spent with him was worth cherishing. He didn't want that to be taken away from him. He didn't care if Yuta didn't return the feelings, he was fine the way things were.

Without the damn disease would've actually been nice, but either way, he'd just deal with it.

Yuta didn't need to know, and he never would. It was that simple.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


Taeyong has decided the universe will never be on his side. For a week later a knock on his door is heard from where he's underneath the covers of his bed. It's almost midnight and he knows none of his friends would try coming this late on a school night to try and get him out of his room.

"Tae? It's Mark. Can you please open the door?"

Taeyong lets out a breath, "Is it important?"

"Uhm, well kin-"

"Can it wait till the morning?"

"I guess."

"Okay then talk to me tomorrow." he says and Mark doesn't say anything back. Just walks away back into the living room.

He thought that'd be the end of it before he heard Mark say something along the lines of _"-uta, no!"_ and soon enough there's banging on his door.

"Lee Taeyong open this damn door _right fucking now!"_

Taeyong realizes then that it was Yuta. He was obviously upset and for a moment he's shocked, but it goes away as quickly as it came.

"Hyung please just let him be!" Mark yells and suddenly it's full of chaos outside and Taeyong knows that if he doesn't step in now those two are going to say things they regret.

_Guess I can't hide from them forever._

He opens the door and as soon as he does the yelling stops and two pairs of eyes turn to look at him.

Yuta stands in front of him as Mark is further away, he glances at the two of them. Not feeling happy in the slightest.

He looks back at Yuta, "What do you want?"

The other scoffs, "You haven't spoken to me or anyone else in _two weeks_ and that's all you have to say?"

"I've just been busy."

"Busy enough that you can't text me that you're okay?! That you're not in the hospital or haven't thrown up petals again?!" 

Taeyong almost forgets Mark is there until he sees movement in the corner of his eye. He looks at the boy, who stands with his lips quivering and the most beaten expression on his face.

_Fuck you Nakamoto._

As soon as he thinks that, he feels his throat close up. Pushes past Yuta into the bathroom and he makes sure to lock it as he once again coughs up the same pink petals and stems.

It feels like hours until he feels like he's done flushing everything out. Standing as he goes to rinse his mouth over the sink and wash his face.

When he opens the door again, Yuta is still standing outside while Mark is nowhere to be seen.

"We need to talk." Taeyong says and leads them to sit on the couch in the living room. 

"I'm guessing that's why you haven't seen me, right?" Yuta asks after they've sat down. 

Taeyong couldn't lie anymore and he slowly nods his head. 

"Do you know what it is?"

_Do I tell him? Do I let him know how in love I am to the point where it's caused me a life or death situation?_

Well, he can tell him what it is. Maybe not the cure.

"It's called the Hanahaki disease," 

_Here goes nothing._

"It's what happens when you have unrequited love."

Yuta looks at him confused, still not grasping the situation.

"I don't get it, you've never told me about anyone you've had feelings for so how could this…" 

Taeyong looks at him as he trails off and he sees the moment it clicks.

"It's.. it's me isn't it?"

Taeyong laughs bitterly.

"Bingo."

He swears he feels a new flower grow inside his chest.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


After that night, Yuta and Taeyong don't talk for another week.

He also tells Mark what happened and explains to him the situation. He didn't expect the boy to start crying, and he repeatedly told him he couldn't lose him and to not leave him.

Just like what Ten told him, what Sicheng told him, what Johnny told him, what _everyone_ told him.

What Yuta told him.

And he comes to the conclusion that multiple outways only one. It wasn't fair to put his life down just because he didn't want to forget the memories made with his best friend. He had his friends who needed him, and wanted him here. He would forget only one, but he had multiples of others who would still stay with him.

He calls Ten that day to tell him, and when he hangs up he goes straight to the bathroom.

He doesn't leave for the entire night.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


"So you just want me to give this to him?"

Taeyong nods his head.

"I've tried everything to contact him and he won't answer and I can't waste anymore time." he says desperately.

"How much time do you have left?" he asks instead and Taeyong wants to rip his hair out.

"I have three weeks Jae, please just do this for me."

Jaehyun sags his shoulders and finally agrees. 

"Okay, yeah I'll do it."

Taeyong thanks him before turning around to leave. Chest feeling heavy and a million petals gathered in his lungs.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


"I made the appointment, it's on Tuesday next week." Ten says as he combs through the blonde mess of Taeyong's hair.

The boy hums, a sense of relief washing over him.

_Only a few days left, you got this._

"Has he still not said anything?"

"No."

Ten nods his head, rubbing a hand over his chest and for once Taeyong feels at peace with himself. He's practically on to a thread at this point but he knows he'll be okay. 

If he has Ten and the others, he's sure of it.

"Thank you, by the way. For everything you've done." 

Ten pauses and looks at him, "I love you a lot and probably would've been long gone by now if it wasn't for you." 

That's the first night Taeyong ever sees Ten cry his eyes out as he holds onto him like his life depends on it.

And it does.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


It's on a Sunday night a few days before his surgery when everyone is gathered that Yuta finally texts Taeyong.

_My Flower:_

_hey can we talk?_

At first he doesn't want to, but he decides that since he also ignored him for a whole two weeks he deserved it back.

_Me:_

_yeah, come on over_

It takes about ten minutes before there's a knock on the door. 

"I'll get it." he says and walks over, opening it to reveal Yuta.

He looks clean and fresh. Not tired and well rested. Unlike Taeyong who still has eyebags and skin as pale as can be. 

"Uhm hi."

"Hey."

They stand there awkwardly, almost as if they haven't known each other their entire lifes.

"Uh, we can talk in my room if you want." 

"Yeah that sounds good."

Taeyong leads them through the mess of bodies. Some saying hi as Yuta passes by and others only waving. 

Once they're settled inside, for once Taeyong doesn't mind the silence that overcomes them. Not saying anything for the time being.

He clears his throat, gagging and letting out a few coughs until he spits out the petals in the trash can near his bed.

"When is the surgery?"

"Tuesday."

Yuta gulps and rubs his hands together.

"Ten is taking you right?"

"As always." he says lightly, and chuckles at the thought of the other.

"I read your letter." 

Taeyong finally musters up enough courage to look at his best friend. He's deep in thought, hands fidgeting and not knowing where to place them. 

"So you know I don't blame you, right? This isn't your fault Yuta." he says and finally does his flower look at him. His eyes are glossy and he just stares for a long time before he says,

"

I love you, Yongie. I always will, I'm just sorry it's not in the way you want or need me to." he whispers and Taeyong nods.

"I know." 

They don't speak anymore than that, and it's not like Taeyong can for long before he falls into another coughing fit.

Except, it's worse than any other had been.

He coughs, and coughs, and spills out all the petals he could but it's not enough. He heaves and tries to breathe in air but all he feels is the same damn thin pink petals stuck in his throat. 

"Ten! Call an ambulance!" He hears Yuta yell. He can't focus on anything else, everything is blurry and all the sounds and voices around are hollow in his ears.

The last thing he hears is a bunch of I love you's and thank you's, other words jumbled together that he can't pick out.

_"I'll love you always, flower."_

That's the last thing he remembers saying before blacking out completely.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


_Dear Yuta,_

_This is the first time in a while I'm writing a letter, so bare with me and my handwriting._

_I know I may be the last person you want to talk to right now, but I thought you should still know._

_I'm getting a surgery done that will help take away the petals. Only thing is that you'll be erased from my memory. That's why I need to tell you these things before they go away forever._

_Since the first day we met, I always knew you'd be my best friend. I remember the first play date we ever had, at your house playing and laughing loudly until your mom had to tell us to quiet down._

_I remember when we went to middle school together, and that was when I realized I couldn't let go of you. It was also when I first noticed that I might have the biggest crush ever. It was scary, but I pushed past it. You helped quite a bit and made the feelings grow stronger just the same._

_Throughout high school was just the same and now look at us, big kids in college with dreams of our own. And I have to say it, I'm in love with you._

_Neither of us knew this would happen, so don't blame yourself. You can't control your feelings and I know if you could, you'd save me in a heartbeat._

_Thank you for everything My Flower. Without you I wouldn't be who I am today. You're my whole world and always will be._

_You'll always be with me, no matter what._

_Love,_

_Yongie._

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


Taeyong wakes to blinding lights. His head is pounding as he blinks his eyes open, looking around the room and it hits him that he's in the hospital.

_Why am I here?_

He looks to his side and sees Ten fast asleep on one of the chairs, moving his arm to reach over and try to jostle him awake but a pain shoots up from his chest and he yanks his arm back as he groans.

That seems to startle the other boy awake, his head moving around frantically until he finally lands on Taeyong who's wide awake.

"Oh my god Tae!" 

The boy hums as his friend presses a button on the remote by his side. Most likely calling for a doctor.

"I feel like shit." he grumbles out, and Ten has the audacity to _laugh_ at him while he's in a hospital bed.

"Yeah you're gonna be like that for a while." he teases back and Taeyong feels himself smile at the other.

Just then the doctor walks in with a clipboard in hand. Coming over to stand next to the bed.

"Glad to see you're awake Taeyong, how do you feel?"

_Really?_

"Like death." he says, choosing a kinder word than the one he _just_ used with Ten. 

"Are you in any extreme pain? Nothing to be bothered about?"

He shakes his head, "No, only when I move does it hurt." he explains and the doctor nods.

"Very well, you'll be good to go in a few days. We'll get you some water and food, now all you need to do is rest for the time being."

Taeyong nods and doesn't pay attention to whatever else she does. Trying to remember why he was here in the first place.

"What happened?" he asks as soon as the doctor leaves. Him and Ten being the only ones in the room now.

"You just had to get a bit of random shit out of your lungs, you're fine now though don't worry." Ten says and Taeyong doesn't feel like asking more about it. Letting his eyes droop close once more.

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


Taeyong is out of the hospital three days after the surgery. He goes home, sees all his friends but one of them sticks out and it's _weird_ because he has no idea who he is and yet acts as if he's known him his whole life.

"Hey Ten,"

The black haired boy looks at him in question.

"Who's the silver haired boy over there?"

Ten smiles and if he thinks hard enough, he would've thought it was _sad._

_Why would he be sad?_

"Ah, that's Yuta."

Taeyong nods his head, staring at the boy. Trying to think of where he could've seen him before. Nothing comes up and soon he's starting up a new conversation with Ten

Yuta's heart clenches.

He doesn't notice the longing glances Yuta sends his way, nor the way he smiles and laughs at everything he does. He doesn't notice the way he excuses himself every now and then to the bathroom or the small coughs he always has.

And Yuta decides it's best that way.

Because Taeyong's heart won't break anymore and he could finally breathe.

Even if he had no memory of him, he'd still have him in his heart. Still love him with everything he has to offer.

_Lee Taeyong,_ he thinks.

_Funny how we're the death of each other._

  
  
  
  


—

  
  
  
  


_"Hey Yuta?"_

_"Hm?"_

_"What's your favorite flower?" he asks, curious._

_Yuta thinks for a while before a smile breaks out onto his face._

_"Cherry Blossoms."_

  
  
  
  


—

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on ig @/liuixie :D


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